Now, don’t get me wrong I’m a huge fan of Internet shopping – especially when it comes to books, craft accessories, cookie cutters, plants and, er, more books but there are occasions when there are gremlins or possible gnomes in the works. Take our wardrobe – I ordered it in January from a company that might know about Jason and the golden fleece. It was in the sale and met my requirements, one of which was swift delivery.
Just over a month later it was delivered. I’d have to say that thirty one days is not within my parameters of swift but what do I know. HWIOO stayed at home whilst I toddled off to work in order to take delivery, lug it up stairs and build it prior to my return, the plan being that I would then caper around with joy and fill it full of our rather crumpled clothes (You really don’t want to see the state of HWIOO’s best suit or indeed of my entire summer skirt supply.) Anyway, the wardrobe came in two packages. He opened the first one and laid out three doors. Then he opened the second package.
I got home some time later, fingers twitching with the anticipation of hanging clothes.
“You did order a three door wardrobe didn’t you?” he asked.
“Yes.” There were faint alarm bells tinkling.
“Only we’ve got six doors, no back, no sides and no fixings.”
“What about the drawers?”
HWIOO shook his head. I reached for the phone.
I’m not going to bore you with the next two months worth of discussion but suffice it to say our wardrobe now has a more Swedish provenance than expected and I am never going sailing with Jason and his sailors for anything ever again on account of the fact that the crew is rude, boorish and appears to think that its okay to take a customer’s money but not send the right selection of goods. I suppose I should be grateful I didn’t have to run the gauntlet of clashing rocks and singing sirens. If the mythical Jason had sailed with the store I’m writing about he’d probably never have got out of harbour on account of being delivered two masts and no rudder. He’d have become very good at asking to speak with a manager though.
On to the portable…I suppose it’s all in the definition really. I’ve started offering freelance talks on topics as far ranging from the Norman Conquest to cross stitch. So I need the accoutrements of the job. I am now the proud owner of a projector and a screen which was delivered today from a company that shares the same name as a large South American river, or one of their associates. Now, I didn’t want to spend too much money so I knew I wasn’t going to be getting a James Bond style screen that I could fold up and put in my dinky evening bag at the touch of a button. However, I am slightly surprised at what arrived. I thought I’d ordered something lightweight that I could woman handle all by my own without the assistance of several burly young men. Suffice it to say that the screen moves more towards the latter than the former. I don’t think that its a handbag I need either- possibly a large trolley and a hoist.
Still, the thing about Internet shopping is that there’s always an element of surprise…just sometimes not the kind of surprise you’d hoped for.